There is a question we rarely ask ourselves: Who was I before I became who I am now?
When I asked Anita Aldana this question in our most recent episode, her answer left me thinking for days. She told me about a photo she always carries in her notebooks. A photo from when she was a child. "I like how I smile in that photo," she told me. And then she shared something her mother said to her on the day of her second wedding: "I saw you smile like you did when you were a child."
That sentence sums it all up.
Anita describes something that probably sounds familiar to you: following a script that someone else wrote for you. Study, graduate, get a good job, get married, buy a house, buy a car. She did it all. She became a marketing manager at a multinational company. She had the marriage, the house, everything the script promised would bring happiness.
And I didn't feel it.
"I ended up living the life that the script said I had to live," she told me. "And after four years of marriage, I realize that I'm not happy. I have everything, but I don't feel good."
On December 31, while everyone was celebrating, Anita packed her bags and returned to her parents' house. She left everything material behind. Everything except herself.
What followed was what poets call "the dark night of the soul." A profound crisis. A huge question: Who am I really?
Anita found her answer in an unexpected place: sports. She signed up for an Ironman without ever having run anything significant. A friend told her that if she could do it, anyone could. She wasn't an athlete. She had no experience.
But every morning at 4 a.m., even if she had spent the previous day crying, she would go out to train. The pool became her sanctuary of silence. The bike became her space to listen to herself.
"When I crossed that finish line, I cried," she shared with me. "Because I said to myself: if I could do this, I can do anything. And if I can run this race, I'm going to get through this divorce and come out on top."
There, at that finish line, her self-esteem grew again. She believed in herself once more.
This conversation with Anita took me to a very personal place. I told her something I rarely share: that for me, starting a family was harder than climbing Everest.
I come from a family where there were divorces. That experience turned me into a nomad, someone who didn't get attached to anything or anyone. It was my defense mechanism. It worked for me. It pushed me to seek out adventures, to go for scholarships, to explore the world.
But when I wanted to start my own family, that same armor became an obstacle. Every time I look at my daughter, part of me feels immense happiness. And another part, the part that learned to survive by running, whispers to me: shouldn't you be looking for the exit?
I asked Anita what to do when what was your springboard becomes your shadow.
His response was revealing: "Sometimes we are more afraid of success, of beauty. Sometimes we are more afraid of the beautiful family that will be there forever than of another divorce. Because divorce is already familiar to you."
We are afraid of the unknown, even when the unknown is happiness.
I asked Anita for a hack to deal with fear. She told me about a technique she uses in coaching called "the empty chair."
It consists of sitting down, placing an empty chair next to you, and imagining that you take your fear out and sit it there. Then you talk to it. You ask it: What is your name? What exactly are you afraid of? Why?
When Anita wanted to leave her corporate job, her fear told her, "You're going to starve to death." So she sat down with that fear and asked it why. And she realized that she had already saved money, she already had a project generating income, she had an education, she could look for another job if something went wrong.
"The fear doesn't disappear completely," he explained to me. "But it diminishes because you move forward with more confidence that the fear isn't as real as it seems."
The most powerful thing: thanks to that fear of ending up on the street, Anita created her group coaching program. Fear forced her to prepare herself, to have a plan. And from that plan, something beautiful was born that has now helped more than 130 women.
Toward the end of our conversation, I asked Anita who she chooses to be today.
Her response moved me: "Today, I choose to be someone who is not afraid of her light. Who does not feel that she has to dream small. Who can dream big and that this is also allowed. I choose to be a woman who gives herself space to also deserve beautiful and great things."
This is what we sometimes forget. We prepare ourselves for crises, for setbacks, for failures. But we don't prepare ourselves to deserve good things. We don't give ourselves permission for things to go well.
The script can be edited. The path that your parents, society, and your environment gave you was well-intentioned. But you are an adult now. You have the freedom and responsibility to write your own script.
Look for examples of what is possible. When your mind tells you that something cannot be done, look for examples of people who have achieved it. Your mind does not distinguish between you and that other person. If you see that someone else could do it, you begin to believe that you can too.
Being "weird" means being extraordinary. Etymologically, weird means extraordinary. When you step outside the system and are seen as different, you are choosing your own definition of success.
Fear brings valuable information. Don't avoid it, don't hide it under your pillow. Sit with it, listen to it, ask it what it wants to tell you. Often, it is pointing out exactly what you need to prepare for.
Your values are your compass. When you know what you truly value, you can make decisions. You can say yes or no with clarity. You can build relationships where those values are honored.
If this episode resonated with you, I invite you to ask yourself the question I asked Anita: Who were you before you became who you are now? What part of that original version would you like to recover?
Anita is about to start a new edition of her group coaching program in September. You can find more information at 30libros.com. Her book "Reprogramming Yourself" is a practical guide to this process of changing your mindset. And her first book, "Divorce Yourself from Your Ego," is even available as a free audiobook on Spotify.
Stories like Anita's remind us that crises are not the end. They are a springboard. That we can smile again like we did when we were children. And that giving ourselves permission to dream big is also a way of honoring who we really are.
We'll hear from you in the next episode.
Andrea
